Thanksgiving:Holidays and Loss

Unlike my experiences of posting resumes to the internet, my experiences of blog posting have been rich and rewarding. Your comments, however, conveyed by e-mail, have been personal because the posts have evoked a feeling or memory that is sensitive and private.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I am thankful that reciprocally, even through we’re relating virtually, we’ve been able to connect. And because Thanksgiving, like Christmas- which is coming up, is a big holiday, it often comes attached with bittersweet memories of other times and people.

That is, like other moments, the Holidays may evoke memory of loss. Especially under the sway of other hard coping, additional loss may feel like just a bit too much. Which, of course, is not what the Holiday spirit is about. So what to do? A good, practical solution is for a Time Out to relocate the emotional margin necessary to withstand the pressures of present and memory. My favorite Time Out is through brief mediation --- but I have a good friend who swears on the virtues of listening to the Rolling Stones on his Ipod. Either way…….

The development of emotional resilience is not a one-time learning experience. Opportunities abound throughout life. I know a C-suite executive who was mourning the death of a beloved parent enormously well--- up until he was called in, unexpectedly, to discuss severance after decades of loyal service. Of course, it threw him for a loop. And with summer approaching, a time when his extended family had always vacationed together at the “Lake”, this trifecta of loss felt devastating. Coping took time. Clarifying feelings, fused under conditions of loss, required the capacity to reflect and reflection was not easy in the emotional heat of the moment.

Healing began with Time Out. Its an essential tool, necessary from small doses to large. Though it may feel embarrassing to underline the need for Time Out, we do it all the time, unnoticed: from annual vacations to taking a deep breath before that important presentation- a deep breath out of range of anyone else. We all need to bounce back from time to time. And luckily, we’re built to endure: if only we use the requisite technology.

Thinking about the Ipod Time-Out strategy, I , believe that Bill Monroe or Bach would work better for me than the Stones; but I’ll experiment. I’d encourage you to experiment with it, too.

Happy Thanksgiving