Two Models of Self: Real and Ideal

Practically, the Self comes in two models: the Self “I know”, or real; and the Self “as advertised”, or ideal. The difference is not simply a walk through the door separating the privately comforting reserve of one’s home from the world of non-intimate others outside it, with its bustle of continuous exchange in buying and selling. No. It is the difference between how we genuinely experience the management of our daily lives and our positive press releases about ourselves to ourselves and others. It is the difference between GM’s corporate challenge to Congress in November 2008 and the nostalgic thrill of seeing “the USA in your Chevrolet”. Bailout or reorganization is real. Right now. The real Self is the stuff of an ongoing personal SWOT analysis: its not only a matter of competitive advantage. Without real self-knowledge, we are at a significant disadvantage.

Clearly, the ideal Self is easier to take. We may call it “self-actualized” or “Protean” from the Organizational Behavior perspective; but it is static and offers only defensive utility. That is, as an ideal, this model proclaims: “I have arrived. No more work to do.” As a Self model, it is like outdated leadership that doesn’t quite get the changing business environment.

The real Self is certainly more difficult to acknowledge. Lasting changes and the building of character result from loss. And loss must be endured to be recognized, and recognized to be mourned. Change requires that both growth and loss are always in play within the Self: at each developmental stage—childhood, adolescence, early adulthood, middle adulthood, and old age – there will always be a back and forth of balance within the real Self of reconciling past experience and ongoing capability with present challenges, both internal and external. As we mature, the Self must also grapple with timelines that are not only chronological, but also physical and psychological.

While it may not be as comforting as the ideal Self, the real Self allows us to see clearly what is before us. It prevents us from thinking that what is good for GM is good for the US, as we deplane from our corporate jets to lobby Congress for federal funds, and are blindsided by how we are perceived.